My ESL Lover

I didn't wink, but I did smile after this...

Hello Hello.. I received your wink and decided to read your profile.. I love open and beautiful smiles... it is one of the most important things to me, because I like to be around happy, funny, good energy people.. I felt so much good energy, happiness in your profile. I hope in can meet in the future, and I will be able to know more about you :) Take Care, JaimeHello Hello.. I received your wink and decided to read your profile.. I love open and beautiful smiles... it is one of the most important things to me, because I like to be around happy, funny, good energy people.. I felt so much good energy, happiness in your profile. I hope in can meet in the future, and I will be able to know more about you :)

Take Care, Jaime

BEST COLD CALL YET!!!!

A Special Thanks to the supplier of this gem. Authored by a 40 year old who feels "the bar scene is getting old".

Sweetie :)
This weekend you and I are going to spend a very nice/relaxing/romantic weekend in Ocean City. I'm also singing the below song to you on our romantic walk on the beach at night! :) Whatever plans you had scheduled can be rescheduled I'm sure my love!

http://vodpod.com/watch/1562634-lifehouse-storm-live

Matt

Cold Calls Reprise

This past weekend I gave my friend the gift of Match. Within her first couple days she made the same rookie mistake that I made (which as you may recall ended with me being accused of being racist...) Anyway, this one is about on par with the guys that tell you their weirdo tendancies (or that they're Plushies or something) you just leave them alone.


he said
Yesterday
i enjoyed reading your profile...are you able to receive e-mails on the site? (i ask so i don't send a longer e-mail that never gets read!)


you said
21 hours ago
RE: (none)
Hi there-Yep, I can receive messages. Hit me with your best shot ;)


he said
20 hours ago
sure...how has your match experience been going so far? do you visit dc often?


you said
20 hours ago
RE: (none)
This is my first foray into online dating, so excuse any awkwardness. I live in Arlington and work in VA, but I try to get into DC on the weekends. You?


he said
20 hours ago
RE: (none)
the online thing i'll admit is a bit of an old hat for me. nothing to boast about. you seem to be sharp and sassy. where does fitness and eating well fall in your list of priorities in life?


you said
17 hours ago
RE: (none)
Well Doctor, I go to Gold's Gym or outside for a run 5-6 times per week. This last week was rough because I've been feeling under the weather, but I usually just have one "rest" day per week. I absoutely love this Sports conditioning class that they have at Gold's, and I enjoy power yoga as well. I love food, but I am not an experienced cook, so I tend to eat on the healthier side, but if I really want a steak and some french fries, I'm going to have it. Ice cream is my favorite food group. I know your profile mentions that you're very into the whole natural food thing. Care to elaborate? I hope it's not one of those diets where you can't eat anything that casts a shadow.....

he said
16 hours ago

that's great you take advantage of the classes - really a better way of doing cardio than strapping yourself to the treadmill (which is pretty needed during those tough dc winter months)...i love running around the monuments, which are literally in my backyard. i live in downtown though can't really say where i'll be working as i'm switching companies after 7 years of loyalty.



food wise, i definitely don't have a diet. diets generally mean restricted calories. i eat like someone 50 pounds over me. i love natural foods and avoid processed stuff at all costs...never eat fried, don't eat pasta/sweets (except for when celebration calls) and generally like slower-made food. i eat a ton of protein salads. i make my own protein bars and protein muffins. i had my first grass-fed, organic beef experience tonight and i'm converted. stuff like that makes me tick.good food, working out, and the surrounding experience are very key to me. i am able to quickly grow close to someone with *some* commonality in those areas.too over-the-top for your taste or hanging in there?





you said
7 hours ago
RE: (none)
Hi there-I commend your discipline! I think it is great that you eat so cleanly but I think our priorities do not really match up in that arena. Have a great rest of the weeend. It was fun speaking with you.


he said
7 hours ago
RE: (none)that was a bit unexpected. i said i like sharing good food and fitness with a companion. not sure why that puts what we want in conflict.


Come on, guys. Don't mess with us ladies and our food. When you tell us about your protein muffins we start to fear you'll take chocolate away.

Six Degrees of Freaky "Frank"

DISCLAIMER-- This story is proof that girls talk about everything. If you're a dude and reading this, don't ever think we don't spread information about your sex life- whether it's our business or not-- to everyone. However, we wouldn't have to if it weren't for the stuff that the rest of this story is made of.

One day I received an email from Frank. If you haven't figured it out yet, I like people with quirky personalities, which often times ends with me woven into the webs of some serious weirdos.

Frank was one of those weirdos.

In retrospect, his emails were probably more weird than quirky... but in the end it didn't really matter. The alarms also should have gone off when Frank described himself as an "unguarded lover" followed by "and a party planner". WHAT??

Now, this is probably a point against me, but I found Frank on Facebook-- a preemptive creepy move if you will. Since I live in the smallest world possible, I asked one of our three friends in common what the real Frank was like.

"He's an interesting guy, how do you know him?"

...duh...

"Hahaha then you should know he's been banging (another mutual friend) and he's in love with someone else but sleeps with all his girl friends and strings them along. He plays games"

I've got plenty of games in my life, so I never responded to one of his emails again. Unguarded?? No joke.

"Eddie": You and me and the bottle makes three tonight. And also, that other girl.

Last weekend I started going out with a new fella. He's actually a pretty stand up guy and I don't have a whole lot to call him out on yet... although you never know. For our first date we went out to one of my favorite low key bars (low key= they serve PBR cans) and we had a real good time.

Not THAT kind of good time. Get your mind out of the gutter!!

The third party in this story came in about 45 minutes into the date. She's actually a friend of a friend (hey! maybe you're reading this!) and so when she walked in I gave her a smile and a wave. A little while after that she swung by to say hey. The more the merrier. I made the proper introductions and eventually she asked us how we knew each other.

The moment of truth.

I looked at Eddie. Eddie looked at me. Grocery store. Crowded bar. Spin class. So many options! Then I remembered. I'm so open about this I write it all down and publish it on blogspot.

"We met online!"

"Oh."

The best way I could describe the look we got back would be to say that she looked at us like we were breathing AIDS. She pulled back a bit and responded, "I thought you guys were just hanging out".

Wait, isn't that what we were doing??

I'd like to dispel the following rumors about online dating:

1) We aren't all freaks. Although yeah, they're out there. And yeah, I'm a weirdo but it's half the fun.

2) We aren't all sad. No doubt some people are, but I promise I leave those people at home where they can listen to Every Rose Has Its Thorn alone on repeat.

3) When we go out, we hang out! We don't sit around doing stuff like this. That's more like a third date activity.

4) Everything else you've heard is true. Just kidding. But seriously.

Even though I told her it was no big deal, I think THE SITUATION made her feel uncomfortable and she peaced after that. He felt weird too so we finished our beers and changed venues. Once he does something embarrassing I'll be sure to share. For now he remains in my good graces.

You've got male (Yes, male. See what I did there?)

This post is to share some of my faaaavoritist "cold call" emails EV-ER! I think you might like them too... Also, I think this is the meanest I have ever been to strangers.

romantic athletic prince

Hello,

I am looking for one special someone who I can spoil and be spoiled by. Someone that I can wake up in the morning and give kisses to and then make breakfast for. Someone that likes to hold hands and kiss when they are 80 years old and be in more love than because they have shared more memories together. Someone who will spoil me back and make me feel cared for. I am looking for a true connection. Someone who is my other half. I am looking for something rare to find that many times people settle because they are not willing to go through all the effort it will take to find this special person. I am willing to put the extra effort in and will search until I do find her. She will be beautiful and all will see this, but what they will not know is what I know that she is even more beautiful on the inside. The connection we share is one of true intimacy. We share a connec tion of our souls. When we are apart we are still connected. We have searched for each other for most of our life and now when we touch we know what heaven is like. Our dreams are moments we shared together. Our thoughts are of what we will do together in the future. Others will look to us and realize what love really is supposed to be. We will always be smiling for each of us knows that we have something special and we have searched for it for a long time. We can be seen looking into each other’s eyes until late at night and talking about our future. Yes, I know these things are rare but I know that this is what I will seek for I know that the rest of my life will be spent in the joy of her company. I only want to be known as the man who accompanied my mate through life and when we leave this world to join with her in heaven.

Hope to hear from you,

Don

Translation:

"I want to kill you. I want to hang you by a meat hook in my basement and write haiku about it later."

Hello

hey i saw your profile.. and i think u seems a nice girl and fun person to hung around with. Also i like your personality as well. i think it will be great if things work out between us. i would like to know if there is a possibility for that. so i will wait for your reply, email me when u get chance. thanks.

This would have been super cute if we were still in the 5th grade and it was a note passed to me in science glass. (Well, except for the part about "hung" around with...)

(no subject)

You are one attractive young lady!!

- Corey

A knock knock joke would have out-witted this guy. Still, I poked at the bee hive and asked him why he's not smiling in a single picture. And I'm really glad I did.

Because you have not emailed me yet.


Now that you have, I'm smiling :)

- C

The end.

hey

hi how are you doing? my name is tony how was your day? did you have a good weekend? i hope you have a good day tommorrow.

tony

Awwww.... still no.

hey

hey how you doing? just stopped by to say hi.

Stopped by? Dude, it's an email.

Hi

I think you're cute, and believe we have quite a bit in common. As my subscription ends in a few days (on 3/29), if the interest is mutual perhaps we can get together over tea/coffee in the near future (I will be out of town for the next few days)-you can contact me via e-mail at novable@talkmatch.com (please mention match somewhere in the subject line so that I do not think it's spam and delete it w/o reading) if this sounds good to you. Have a good evening.---Mark

Sounds pretty terrible, Mark.

Hi ya

So I have been trying to figure out the best/coolest/wittiest thing to write you to start things off but have failed miserably. So I guess I will start with a question, that’s how I start everything else. If you could do anything in DC/NOVA, what would it be? Or as I can’t seem to decide on how to answer that question myself, maybe just what’s your favorite color? Mine is green.

Hope to here from you soon!
Will

http://www.babelgum.com/4022027/kids-reenact-mtvs-hit-series-jersey-shore.html Whats ya favrite culla??

The Mendoza Diagonal

Do you fall above the line? Italy is one of my favorite places, but I've sadly never made it out of Rome accept to a few of the smaller towns. I could try to say a lot about myself here, but I doubt I would be able to make much headway. I'm more of a Ted then a Barney, and more of a Marshall then either. Also a big "How I Met Your Mother" fan. I'm studying philosophy and lit, looking to write and go to grad school for both. I would love to teach K-12 English, or Philosophy on the college level. But enough about me, you seem like a confident women who knows what she wants. That said, I have just one question. How do you take your coffee, and whats your favorite late night drink?
Hope I've got your attention,
B

Maybe when you start writing in grad school, they can explain the difference between the words accept and except. Wow, I am a b*tch.

ms silei

i saw you on here and i think you gorgeous, do you have an aim name or any messenger name? mine on aim is "ghvhblkj", im 27 and live in Springfield, VA ( so not too far from you ) i work 9-5 as an emt dispatcher in Springfield and started up my own side company for photo restoration.
I go to the hookah bar alot in my freetime.hmm what else, oh im a big LOST and 24 fan .. if you dont like it thats fine just makes you a tiny bit less awesome :) feel free to check out my facebook if you care. be warned im not very photogenic lol but yes. hope to hear from you soon cutie.

ps you have the most amazing eyes

I added this for two reasons. One, it's a cheap boost of self esteem. Two, "be warned im not very photogenic". Yikes.

I'll probably burn in hell for this post

Chad "Gay Voice" Pat III: The finale

The moment you have all been waiting for, so sorry for the delay. Hopefully this last entry in Gay Voice's book is not as big of a disappointment as he was. I WILL say that I learned a lesson. Don't date dudes that are into other dudes. They'll only leave you for a Pashmina and a diet coke.

So the day before the big event I got a text from "Chad" asking me to text him when I got out of class (around 12) and then we could decide where in Dupont to meet. As this was a normal exchange I really didn't think much of it at all. Until the next morning at 8:30 when I get a text...

"i can't believe it last night i slept with my glasses on and busted them. gotta go to the doctor to get them fixed, keep you posted" (8:30 am)

Okay... I told him thanks for keeping me updated and good luck. During my break around 10:30 I text him asking how everything was going.

"haven't heard back from my eye doctor yet, i knew i should have ordered contact lenses earlier!" (10:30 am)

...alright....

"i don't think the eye doctor is open, i'm going to have to go to lens crafters" (12:30 pm)

At this point I should tell you that my alma mater was playing in the NCAA tourney at 2 and I wasn't about to miss it traveling to a bar. If this dude didn't get it together by 1:30 we were going to have a problem.

By 3:00 when I hadn't heard from him I told him we'd have to do something after the game instead. I wasn't going to risk missing the beginning of the second half because I'm stuck on the metro.

"i'm sorry i got things so messed up today :(" (3:30 pm)

Sorry, but there's NO way getting your glasses fixed has taken all day. Now I don't know if you got hooked on a Lifetime movie marathon or woke up with a tranny surprise in your bed but I ain't buying it. I think the part that ticked me off the most was the fact that I blocked off a Saturday for this guy and I got stood up for a "broken pair of glasses". THAT'S a new one for the record books.

"do you want to do something during the week instead?" (4 pm)

And I never heard from him again.

Chad Part II-- The Work Visit

After hearing Chad's voice on the phone and freaking out to my friends all week, I absolutely had to meet this dude. I mean, I'm going to need to verify the exact level of real life flamboyance in his voice before devoting myself to an entire day together (he was REALLY cute). So it was perfect when "Chad" told me he was coming down to where I work during his lunch break. He came up with this little story about coming down my way to pick a book at Borders, and will I come to help him find one (classic). When I told Raleigh- my kick ass work partner in crime- that I was finally meeting Mr. Faaaabulouussss, she insisted I bring him up to the office for a proper screening. This is important information for the rest of this story.

Chad was waiting for me at the corner, and when I tapped his shoulder and he turned around I finally got my first look-see at this guy. BAHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Snaggle teeth snaggle teeth snaggle teeth!!!!!!!!! I don't know what kind of dentists they have in Massachusetts or what kind of magic camera he used to post his online pictures, but it was very clear to me that his teeth did not get along and they were all plotting their escape from his snaggled mouth out in 10 different directions. (Still, remember I wanted to see through Jesus' eyes...) Nonetheless, minus 1.

His voice? Not so bad!!! Plus 1! And now we're even again.

We went for a nice walk around the block and at some point I suggested he come up and "check out" where I work. He agreed, since he had no idea this was all plotted, and we were on our way. As soon as we walked in I introduced him to Raleigh ("Oh my gosh, what a surprise!) and told him to try out some of the chairs. Things were going well and I even started to feel silly for worrying so much about his femm voice... all good things. So while Chad was relaxing on an Eames Lounger with his back towards the front desk, I look to Raleigh for a nod of approval. Instead of a smile or a thumbs up, Raleigh snarled her lip, rolled her eyes and held up an 81/2 x 11 with a huge "6" written across it.

Ouch. Later she explained the exact break down of this logic. Something about 4s for looks, 4 for height, 9 for butt... it's science.

Needless to say it was a bit uncomfortable/ difficult to hold back earned giggles and after a full tour, I walked Chad back downstairs. He told me he was excited about our first real date, we confirmed a time and place to meet and hugged it out.

It wasn't until I was back on the elevator that I realized I never even helped him find that book. Oops.